I have been trying to make a marriage work with a man who just doesn’t want to put the effort into me or having a Godly marriage. He admits he takes me for granted. I am a giver looking after everyone and he is a taker who is stunted emotionally with a grade school level of emotional maturity. He self admittedly is very lazy.
I am financially dependant on him and I have mental and physical disabilities and am codependant as well. I can’t see how I would make it on my own, so I stay, but this relationship is making me sicker and sicker as we live like roommates.
There is very little connection I have tried everything marriage therapy, a marriage rescue weekend conference with Retrouvaille and begged him to put into this marriage what I’m putting in but he just doesn’t bother maybe a week or so than he’s back to his old ways. He is not interested in doing any inner work to heal and become a better person. He has many narcisssistic qualities and doesn’t seem capable of giving the love and support a husband should give and I am turning into someone I don’t like filled with bitterness anger and resentment because I am so hurt and emotionally starved. The only way we get along is if I suppress my feelings and needs and don’t ask anything from him, I do that but then I get so upset dealing with him that we end up having words and I retreat, until he says he will change and do better, which he doesn’t. So it’s a toxic dance.
Many of the closest people around me are also emotionally unavailable and also have some narcissistic tendencies. So I don’t have much support, except for a daughter who has her hands full with a young family.
My son is a recovering addict who also is very narcissistic and we are estranged as I cannot endure anymore of his abuse and disrespect.
I have been in therapy for a long time and am searching daily for things to help me heal my trauma from childhood neglect and abuse and now two toxic marriages.
I think I either need a miracle in my marriage or one to heal me and allow me to leave and thrive on my own, instead of barely surviving.
Youre prayers are worth so much to me if you could find it in your heart to pray fo me and the people I am surrounded with, for restoration and healing and a miracle if it be Gods will. God bless you all.
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