Dear Father
My world turned on its head almost 3 years ago when big life changes occurred, followed by overwhelming stresses, and I broke. Losing my younger sister, two housing moves in 6 months, losing my constant companion dog, starting over again in a new town and a new job are just some of the hard and heavy things that have wounded me.
I’ve lived through years of tremendous overwhelm, raising 3 babies into adulthood by myself, 1 being extra difficult and constantly in trouble with police & in and out of court. I almost didn’t make it.
Layers of loss and grief, aloneness and uncertainty, and seeing the evil that is currently flourishing in our world have created immense fear & anxiety, often utterly paralyzing. You have kept me alive but I seek freedom and relief from it; I seek joy and peace again.
I ran to my Mom’s for safety and a place to recover, and I have a great deal (though more is needed.. please, Father, heal my hurts), but it’s very hard for me to have only a single bedroom in her home as my personal space, all of my life (personal belongings) packed in boxes in her garage. I’ve lost my adult independent life as I knew and loved it. And now, being here all the time, I see and can’t get away from the effects that a big stroke have had on her, taking away who my vibrant, sharp-minded, strong and capable Mom was. It’s hard.
Father, I need clear, absolute direction for where I should live. If somewhere else, I need You to bring the exact right living situation across my path and make it mine. If You want me to remain with my Mom, though she’s very independent and able to live on her own at present, change my heart/attitude and help us work out a way for me to have more space, privacy, and a sense that I belong here. I don’t feel like I do.
I don’t know where home is. And that’s very unsettling to, and sad for, me.
Sadness, hopelessness and despair, anxiety and fear for the future all come at me frequently; it’s an exhausting battle against my mind as the evil one uses my thoughts to turn me away from You, God. Help me trust You … to relearn and remember Who You are so that I am convinced You are trustworthy no matter what’s going on in my life or the world around me.
Thank You that You hear my cries, and my heart’s pain when I can’t put it into words, and that You desire healing and wholeness for me which You can and will work in my life, You love me with an incomprehensible love and have plans that will prosper and not harm me, to give me a hope and a future. Help me rest in that.
Thank You for the answers that are already on their way
In Jesus’ precious, holy and powerful Name, Amen
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